CAUTION Crazy Chick In Residence

I briefly mentioned a new diet in my last blog. Officially 4 weeks ago today I joined Slim4Life with promises from them of massive amounts of weight loss in a relatively short period of time. 3-5 pounds a week and down to 130 by Christmas. It is a good, nutritionally sound program which my body has completely rejected in many, many ways. First of all, 3 pounds in one week has NOT happened. I haven't even lost 2 pounds in any one given week! I was about due for a yearly physical anyway, so I'm having my thyroid checked to see if that's slowing my stupid metabolism down any (should have results by Tuesday). The women at the S4L center have also told me that they think that my working night shifts may be partly responsible for the slow loss, I think they're probably right.

In the meantime, I have not had anything to eat in the realm of pizza, pasta, pastries or ice cream. My favorite four food groups! I have actually had dreams that I am seriously chowing down on some deliciously tasty treats when I realize that the S4L ladies will hold me accountable and I'll have to fess up in my food diary that I have totally blown it! But mmmmm were those dreams tasty!

On the plus side, I am losing *some* weight (down 6 pounds so far), and I appreciate the accountability and support from the Slim4Life staff. Also, I know that eating this food is considerably healthier for me than my previous eating habits.

On the down side, I have turned into a total lunatic. It's PMS time 24/7. I had absolutely no idea I was self medicating for stress with food. My main coping mechanism was junk food and I kept a steady stream in my system to cope. Although, it doesn't help that my external stressors have increased considerably what with the job changes and all (and an upcoming annual performance eval at my otherwise most favorite and low-stress job). I feel like I should be wearing a sign "CAUTION emotional responses may not be relative to external stimuli." At least with PMS I *know* which 3 days I am exempt from making any decisions or confronting anyone or planning on doing anything that may have me shrieking like a crazed banshee at poor unsuspecting strangers. I know on those 3 days that chances are good my emotional responses are not even remotely based in reality.

It's sort of like when I go to the dentist these days. And I've been going A LOT since last November when my front tooth abscessed and I began the long process of losing a tooth, dealing with a fake, getting a root-canal on another tooth that was discovered to be dead, and soon an implant for the lost tooth. It's been such a rough road that simply talking to the dentist, while sitting in the chair, discussing what's to be done later has me FREAKING OUT! They aren't even doing anything but looking in my mouth and my pulse starts racing and I start panicking and all I want to do is RACE for the door as fast as I can. Imagine what happens when they actually do work?!?!? Is this a rational response? No. No, it's not. And I *know* it's irrational and I *still* freak out!

So now, with the lack of junk food and the increase in stress, and the inability to even rationalize the struggle with it being totally worth it because I am loosing 3 pounds a week (because it's nowhere NEAR 3 pounds) I have turned into a total crazy person. My poor husband has been AWESOME in his support. Josh I love you, thanks for putting up with me. I am so appreciative of his forgiving nature (and I've had to ask for forgiveness frequently with my sporadic bursts of freaking-out-ness). It'll get better. I'm sure I'll adjust to this bizarre nutrition soon. And if not, well, if not you'll find me at the nearest Dairy Queen doping up on a turtle pecan blizzard.